Okay, I really don't think I'm cut out to be a publisher. I'm having to write a 2,000 word 'product rationale' on the reason for every decision I've made on this proposed book. I don't know! I don't know anything about publishing yet. I was hoping that this would teach me. Perhaps I should have done more reading, but I've been unable to find anything in the recommended books we've been given that gives any accurate indication of how much it costs to print how many copies of a book. Plus my boyfriend just called and is upset, and being so far away there's nothing I can do to help him. And now I'm upset too. I really want to talk to him tomorrow but tomorrow is the day I skype all my old housemates and then I'm off to my aunt and uncle's for lunch. That will only leave me the evening to sort out this horrible project. I'm freaking out so much I don't even care that I just wrote 'freaking out' because I can't stand that expression.
I know it'll all be over on Monday, but I don't think I'm going to do very well this year - it's 50% for a pass and 75% for a distinction, with NOTHING in between so any employer will think you were just crap if you've only got a pass - and it's a shame because I was really willing to work hard and do well. But I just don't know what I'm doing and I've tried talking to the module leaders and after them trying to explain to me I can't exactly say I still don't understand. They may have explained one tiny aspect but that doesn't mean I understand the whole project any more. I just don't have enough information to be able to consider this proposal accurately, and then my marks will suffer from it. Others I've talked to have either got marks in the 50s or in the 80s. And I could have used these precious words to try to reach my target, but I can only type rubbish about stuff I have no clue about for so long before I run out of ideas. I just want this to be over, but then I have lectures all day Monday and Tuesday, possibly going out Monday evening, then packing frantically on Wednesday morning before going to the Christmas market with my cousins in the evening, the doctors on Thursday morning and flying home in the afternoon. All that trying to hope I don't forget to pack something vital. I've regressed into an angry adolescent blogger moaning about all my problems.